jolantru: (Default)
Firstly, I signed up to be a Radish writer. The acquisition associate emailed me a few days ago and we chatted via email (since time zones!).

Secondly, I am currently sore, due to hormones. Even in my 40s and experiencing perimenopause, the cramps are just as bad.

So yes, this is my week. I am experiencing the effects of anxiety from two weeks - I desperately need a break away from this country. I want a walkabout.

Updates

Oct. 24th, 2018 08:41 pm
jolantru: (Default)
Renewed DW account. Scaled down to paid, not premium.

Likewise, Samhain/Halloween (or Beltane) card draws are on until end of the month. The deck is inspired by/based on Southeast Asian/Peninsular Malaysian fauna.

A couple of things I worked on got published/greenlit. An anthology of international spec poetry will be out on the 4th of December.

And if things will work out, fingers crossed, I will be writing serialised fiction.

I am still feeling the remnants of anxiety, spillover from last week which was not an easy week (it being exam results week for Cub/my eldest). I haven't written anything. Instead I baked bread, drew stuff and made pumpkin soup from scratch. I am considering taking another break, since I also feel the onset of PMS. :/

No Comment.

Sep. 4th, 2018 09:22 am
jolantru: (Default)
This is rich coming from a community that doesn't come to my defense when I need help. Or misconstrue my concerns as "complaining" or "bitter".
jolantru: (Default)
We had rain!

I also upped my dosage of evening primose - and it seems to be working. I still feel warm, but I think my body temperature is still normal-ish.
jolantru: (Default)
Today's just blistering hot with the odd combination of humidity and dry heat. Tried to work on my edits, but gave up halfway when the temperature seemed to soar in the afternoon. The bright sunlight - once my favorite - made the heat a thousand times worse.

I am not sure if I am combating hot flashes (ugh) or the weather. Both irritate me. I am grouchy and foul-tempered. Cold water showers seem to work only for a few seconds, before the mugginess slaps you in the face.
jolantru: (Default)
... Twitter.

Think this social media platform has outlived its purpose. I have been gaslit, given well-meaning "advice" and empty talk.
jolantru: (Default)
I should be in bed by now.

I got back to Twitter, but I muted many people, especially US SFF people (or Anglophone SFF, in general). A friend said it best over email: these people do not sustain me by the end of the day. It's an echo chamber: all these people know each other, meet regularly at conventions, readings and workshops. I am also not surprised that many people are/have been alienated by the US/Anglophone SFF scene and have now left social media for good, communicating only via email or other channels. It can be/is a very unfriendly scene to outsiders, especially people who live in other places of the world and do not operate within the dominant social norms dictated by USians.

Likewise, depressive funks are the worst. I got out of it, but I can still feel it at the back of my mind.

Good thing though: I got a job, of sorts, writing... stuff, lol. We are still working out the details (won't start without a proper contract), but I foresee some degree of fun doing this.
jolantru: (Default)
that people keep on telling people with depression to reach out... And so they do, baring their souls and guts, only to be gaslit by the very same people.

Irony is not just a metal in the universe.

Update(ish)

Sep. 9th, 2017 09:32 pm
jolantru: (Default)
Saturday started off okay with me doing a podcast with the Skiffy and Fanty crew about the 40th anniversary of Close Encounters of the Third Kind. I am now part of this awesome group of people who love science fiction and fantasy - and the podcast was fun. My Internet was cutting off at certain points, so much so I had to switch back to using wifi which turns to be more stable and reliable. The Internet/cable provider has been experiencing issues with the cable routing in Asia.

Then, after the recording was done, I went out to meet D. and my youngest for lunch. I think the day kind of went down downhill from there. I was already feeling blah from not attending our local comic con as I have become so detached and disconnected from the local geek scene. By the end of the day, I was a mess of barely articulated resentment and frustration as my youngest was wilful and defiant for the entire afternoon and evening, sassy when told off, refusing to do her homework and pretending not to know about it when we had clearly informed her about completing everything before school starts next Monday.

Today was/is one of those days I feel stuck, like I am weighted down by responsibilities and shit that doesn't seem to go away. I guess my youngest's behavior exacerbated the feeling of resentment... of not being able to do stuff I could do a few years ago.

Of course, she had to top it off by playing with one of my swords and blunted the tip of it.

So, verdict for today: ugh.
jolantru: (Default)
Unpopular opinion:

These people who keep on telling me that i am not a failure when i say that my books are not even on shelves are the ones who will signal boost other more popular (read: trad pub) authors and suck up to them. They will never signal boost my books.
jolantru: (piss off)
The niggling suspicion that SEA people in SEA are actually treated like flies in the peripheral: “Shut up lah, you are not included/worth.”

That’s how I perceive SEA sff writers from SEA being treated/perceived. The “lah” is my pidgin coming in. :P

But then again, that’s the USian and UK mentality. Hard to shake off the feeling that we are still exotic.

How do I express my frustration at being condescended at?

US culture wars want us to kvetch, rant and scream, then they hear our pain and think “it’s cool”.

Pain is not performative, in the long run. Hate is not performative, in the long run. It gets goddamn tiring. I do not want to perform my pain in front of you, like a side-show freak.

I don’t think you would advocate for me, because all I see are people throwing people under the bus. No respect, no care, no love.

I don’t think POC in US will speak for us. I don’t think they ever think we exist. That’s the fault of their geography.

So, SEA people in SEA, let’s support each other, lift each other up

Thoughts.

Apr. 1st, 2016 09:15 am
jolantru: (Default)
I think to have only a few people (and they are not the majority) decide whether you are a good legitimate sff writer is ridiculous. It's basically your friends and fans voting you in - but it doesn't reflect well on the matter of merit.

Merit means you get there by sheer ability.

But awards mean there is a bunch of select people who would decide if your performance is good. That's not counting the silent readers, the people who do not want to vote, and people who are politicking to get their agendas heard.

At the moment, the awards are all either US- or UK-centric. But are these countries arbiters of good taste or indeed meritocracy? There are many mediocre work passed off as award-winning.

As historians, we know that sources are often biased and the victor(s) often decide who is let into their circle of privilege. As sff writers, we should be ashamed that we are doing that - and science fiction and fantasy is often an utopian idea where everyone is accepted. Which we have found out is not the case.

I wonder why isn't this privilege called out? Why aren't people saying that enough is enough, that at the end, the gatekeepers (white, US, cis) still want to maintain their status quo. Bear in mind that the POC/non-white they let through are probably the POC they want to see - and nothing else. That's why you see the same people winning the same awards everytime.

I don't believe in the US push for diversity. I am not even going to talk about the UK. If they insist that what they are doing is indeed for the sake of diversity, it's a delusion they will keep.
jolantru: (piss off)
So, self-appointed elder on Tumblr is kvetching about people not being diverse enough and imposing their one-true-way on hir. But all the way, the impression I get from hir is that hir is pretty much orthodox and imposes hir One True Way on others. Pot calling the kettle black. Asks are the norm on Tumblr - but hir answers are often put-downs and forays into hir own adventures.

Tell me, why do people give hir the attention?

And oh yes, like any self-appointed elders/autocrats/dictators etc, they pretty much send their packs of attack dogs at people who critique at them. Because critiques are personal attacks, you know.

Reminds me of the sff world, doesn't it?

Just, ffs, be a decent being.

EDIT: Self-appointed elder is still being a crappy attention-seeking wannabe elder. >.< *lops durians at people*
jolantru: (piss off)
I think I have gotten to the stage where I feel posting fiction/poetry acceptances and rejections on FB is just so blase. I mean, why do you want to do that? To keep score? To keep track? To play kindergarten politics? Sure, I would post the occasional “I signed …” stuff, but if your FB is just a series of your acceptances and rejections and whatever - then what’s your purpose of having FB?

People are inherently competitive. They keep saying “no, it’s not a zero-sum game”, because “we are nice people.” But if you are indeed a nice person, why are you causing anxiety to people? Are you fishing for compliments (because gosh darn, you are a good writer!) or validation?

Writers and poets all move at different paces. Do not expect people to be like you or work at your pace or standard. Nor not all people have the privilege of time and space to write that much like you.

We are all different. To expect everyone to move at the same speed is ridiculous.
jolantru: (phoenix fire)
And apparently, I am also unwell and on medical leave.

And so pissed on Imbolc.

A note: beware of unprofessional publishers.

Looks like Dragon Physician is looking for a good home.
jolantru: (Default)
I updated my list of published works, and for 2015 -


Read more... )

It has been a bleak year for acceptances and my rejections list is long as a saint's scroll. But I am happy for one major acceptance - my YA sff novella with racing dragons!

Read more... )

Update.

Dec. 18th, 2015 05:39 pm
jolantru: (Default)
I am back from my cruise vacation - which had been fun, bad and good all together.

Let me recover first.
jolantru: (Default)
It is the Youth Day holiday in lieu, so I have a day of rest (of sorts). But I have to see my breast specialist (and maybe yell at him). Yeah, yelling doesn't solve anything. It will feel good though to get things out.

I am damned tired of the side-effects.

EDIT: I didn't yell at him. >.

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