In Between Worlds

So...

Happy (belated) Lunar New Year! Today is the 7th day: so we all turn a year older. (I am 45, gosh).

Merry Imbolc too!

The coronavirus thing is fucked up. I blame the media for causing panic and paranoia. And also the rank assholes who have been spreading falsehoods. I have seen and heard the spike of racism in many countries. Doesn't take a lot to bring out the racists, eh?

I am anxious. Singapore have 13 cases and the cases are bound to go up. We are getting on with our lives, but now with extra precautions (washing of hands, wearing of masks etc).

But... there are THINGS.

First of - Fire Heart is being released in MAY.

Second - ICFA.

Third - Local kidlit folk getting together.

So, I have good things to focus on.

Renewed DW account. Scaled down to paid, not premium.

Likewise, Samhain/Halloween (or Beltane) card draws are on until end of the month. The deck is inspired by/based on Southeast Asian/Peninsular Malaysian fauna.

A couple of things I worked on got published/greenlit. An anthology of international spec poetry will be out on the 4th of December.

And if things will work out, fingers crossed, I will be writing serialised fiction.

I am still feeling the remnants of anxiety, spillover from last week which was not an easy week (it being exam results week for Cub/my eldest). I haven't written anything. Instead I baked bread, drew stuff and made pumpkin soup from scratch. I am considering taking another break, since I also feel the onset of PMS. :/

We had rain!

I also upped my dosage of evening primose - and it seems to be working. I still feel warm, but I think my body temperature is still normal-ish.

... Twitter.

Think this social media platform has outlived its purpose. I have been gaslit, given well-meaning "advice" and empty talk.

that people keep on telling people with depression to reach out... And so they do, baring their souls and guts, only to be gaslit by the very same people.

Irony is not just a metal in the universe.

Unpopular opinion:

These people who keep on telling me that i am not a failure when i say that my books are not even on shelves are the ones who will signal boost other more popular (read: trad pub) authors and suck up to them. They will never signal boost my books.

I think to have only a few people (and they are not the majority) decide whether you are a good legitimate sff writer is ridiculous. It's basically your friends and fans voting you in - but it doesn't reflect well on the matter of merit.

Merit means you get there by sheer ability.

But awards mean there is a bunch of select people who would decide if your performance is good. That's not counting the silent readers, the people who do not want to vote, and people who are politicking to get their agendas heard.

At the moment, the awards are all either US- or UK-centric. But are these countries arbiters of good taste or indeed meritocracy? There are many mediocre work passed off as award-winning.

As historians, we know that sources are often biased and the victor(s) often decide who is let into their circle of privilege. As sff writers, we should be ashamed that we are doing that - and science fiction and fantasy is often an utopian idea where everyone is accepted. Which we have found out is not the case.

I wonder why isn't this privilege called out? Why aren't people saying that enough is enough, that at the end, the gatekeepers (white, US, cis) still want to maintain their status quo. Bear in mind that the POC/non-white they let through are probably the POC they want to see - and nothing else. That's why you see the same people winning the same awards everytime.

I don't believe in the US push for diversity. I am not even going to talk about the UK. If they insist that what they are doing is indeed for the sake of diversity, it's a delusion they will keep.

I think I have gotten to the stage where I feel posting fiction/poetry acceptances and rejections on FB is just so blase. I mean, why do you want to do that? To keep score? To keep track? To play kindergarten politics? Sure, I would post the occasional “I signed …” stuff, but if your FB is just a series of your acceptances and rejections and whatever - then what’s your purpose of having FB?

People are inherently competitive. They keep saying “no, it’s not a zero-sum game”, because “we are nice people.” But if you are indeed a nice person, why are you causing anxiety to people? Are you fishing for compliments (because gosh darn, you are a good writer!) or validation?

Writers and poets all move at different paces. Do not expect people to be like you or work at your pace or standard. Nor not all people have the privilege of time and space to write that much like you.

We are all different. To expect everyone to move at the same speed is ridiculous.

I updated my list of published works, and for 2015 -


( Read more... )

It has been a bleak year for acceptances and my rejections list is long as a saint's scroll. But I am happy for one major acceptance - my YA sff novella with racing dragons!

( Read more... )

It is the Youth Day holiday in lieu, so I have a day of rest (of sorts). But I have to see my breast specialist (and maybe yell at him). Yeah, yelling doesn't solve anything. It will feel good though to get things out.

I am damned tired of the side-effects.

EDIT: I didn't yell at him. >.