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Firstly, I signed up to be a Radish writer. The acquisition associate emailed me a few days ago and we chatted via email (since time zones!).

Secondly, I am currently sore, due to hormones. Even in my 40s and experiencing perimenopause, the cramps are just as bad.

So yes, this is my week. I am experiencing the effects of anxiety from two weeks - I desperately need a break away from this country. I want a walkabout.
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I am going to listen to my body and go rest.

Meanwhile, stay focused, stay disciplined, the world (news) is a mess right now and everything demands your attention. You have the power to say no and turn off your electronic device. Breathe, rest.
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The sky is cloudy and I am waiting for the thunderstorm to hit.
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Had the Mid-Autumn Festival One-Word Prompt Day yesterday. Yielded seven illustrations whereby a friend commented that they remind her of Beatrice Potter. :)

I am wondering if I should open for commissions. I have afterall done commissioned art for Strange Horizons (as part of fundraiser - note: I am also staff) and The Future Fire.

Writing-wise, I want to get back to writing Book 2 of the YA fantasy under Scholastic Asia. The story map is printed. I did some amendments/changes. I just need to start.

I am also getting back to DnD 5e. The campaign is going to be held at Roll20 - so some time to get used to for this old workhorse. And I can't keep track of all my accounts and passwords already!
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With a slew of medical appointments this month (mine and family's), my wallet feels the impact, like a bone-crunching blow to my solar plexus. Next slew will be in November.

I am suddenly tempted... really tempted... to go back to full-time work.

If you want to help (like donate a coin or two), I would greatly appreciate it.

My Patreon link: Patreon.
My Kofi link: Kofi.

If you would like to buy books (pdfs):

My Gumroad.
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We had rain!

I also upped my dosage of evening primose - and it seems to be working. I still feel warm, but I think my body temperature is still normal-ish.
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Currently struggling with funk that doesn't go away and trying to meet deadlines (now extended).
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The irony of people sharing their pain/frustration/difficulties on social media and only to be misconstrued as negative/complaining and ignored. So many don't talk about their depression or mental illnesses for exactly that reason.

Please be kind. Not superficially. Be truly kind and considerate because you might never know the kind of problems people have. Smiling doesn't mean they are happy.
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I shared this on my blog, Twitter and FB...

But yes, I haven't posted this on DW...

I signed a deal/contract with Scholastic Asia. The novel is a YA sword fantasy.
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I should be in bed by now.

I got back to Twitter, but I muted many people, especially US SFF people (or Anglophone SFF, in general). A friend said it best over email: these people do not sustain me by the end of the day. It's an echo chamber: all these people know each other, meet regularly at conventions, readings and workshops. I am also not surprised that many people are/have been alienated by the US/Anglophone SFF scene and have now left social media for good, communicating only via email or other channels. It can be/is a very unfriendly scene to outsiders, especially people who live in other places of the world and do not operate within the dominant social norms dictated by USians.

Likewise, depressive funks are the worst. I got out of it, but I can still feel it at the back of my mind.

Good thing though: I got a job, of sorts, writing... stuff, lol. We are still working out the details (won't start without a proper contract), but I foresee some degree of fun doing this.
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that people keep on telling people with depression to reach out... And so they do, baring their souls and guts, only to be gaslit by the very same people.

Irony is not just a metal in the universe.
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Happy belated (Gregorian) New Year!

What a start! The first few days were spent crying and stressed as I struggled with US booking systems. Today I had another health scare: apparently I have a stoma (natural). Thanks, ultrasound scan. My GP thinks it's probably nothing. But my body after 40 is turning out to be something of a jerk. :D

I am trying to stay positive. I have so many things planned, especially setting up a publishing house publishing Southeast Asian science fiction and fantasy.

Fingers crossed.
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This week has been an emotional roller-coaster. It started with a Google Hangout with university students, talking about Lotus, my short in We See A Different Frontier and the motivations behind it, plus social justice and activism. Then, my mom went for her surgery. She's healing fine, but it was the wait that almost killed me and my dad waiting at the waiting room.

Then, Patreon had to be a tool and made me anxious with my income/revenue streams all over again. I took this year off for health reasons, with writing being my main source of income. So, it's back to a job hunt again, though I started this rolling. So, we see how that goes and how much people really want Southeast Asian science fiction and fantasy by Southeast Asian writers living IN Southeast Asia.

I wrote my Patrons a long letter as well. The letter includes alternatives how to support me as well as links to my books under various awesome publishers.

Last night, I had a dream and I never have dreams that stick anymore, probably due to mental exhaustion. In this dream, all I could remember was walking through a housing estate with lush greenery and fruits growing on trellises. Vine fruits, hanging, growing lush and abundant. I pray this is a good sign for next year, that the seeds I planted really bear fruit.

Happier things: I went for a networking talk where the speaker spoke about starting your own business. Spoke to many women and gave out my contacts. Also, with things a bit clearer, I can really start planning and putting down things.

I am really grateful for the people who stepped up when I really needed help and are there when I am down. Thank you.


Nov. 13th, 2017 10:56 am
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My worldbuilding essay in a series whom I titled The Heart of the Matter is now up on Patreon.

During the weekend, we had to take Meow to the vet as his haetoma had ruptured and became infected. Vet bills are scary.

So, if you can help.




Water Into Wine:

The Jan Xu books:


Sep. 22nd, 2017 09:58 am
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Yes, I made the decision to buy the remainder of the Rider and Speaker books as they are not selling. Sales have been bad. The books have not been moving just as quickly as I'd though. Not sure whether it's due to marketing or that Singapore's indeed a small market - but I think it's time to take them off the shelves.
They have languished long enough. :/

That the remainder cost approx. 800 SGD... well, will be a strain on my pockets, but I pray the pain is worth it.

EDIT: If you can't help, just say so. Don't have to tell me "I am sorry" or "At least you have some sales, but sadly most don't have".

EDIT 2: I was receiving responses like the ones seen above.


Sep. 9th, 2017 09:32 pm
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Saturday started off okay with me doing a podcast with the Skiffy and Fanty crew about the 40th anniversary of Close Encounters of the Third Kind. I am now part of this awesome group of people who love science fiction and fantasy - and the podcast was fun. My Internet was cutting off at certain points, so much so I had to switch back to using wifi which turns to be more stable and reliable. The Internet/cable provider has been experiencing issues with the cable routing in Asia.

Then, after the recording was done, I went out to meet D. and my youngest for lunch. I think the day kind of went down downhill from there. I was already feeling blah from not attending our local comic con as I have become so detached and disconnected from the local geek scene. By the end of the day, I was a mess of barely articulated resentment and frustration as my youngest was wilful and defiant for the entire afternoon and evening, sassy when told off, refusing to do her homework and pretending not to know about it when we had clearly informed her about completing everything before school starts next Monday.

Today was/is one of those days I feel stuck, like I am weighted down by responsibilities and shit that doesn't seem to go away. I guess my youngest's behavior exacerbated the feeling of resentment... of not being able to do stuff I could do a few years ago.

Of course, she had to top it off by playing with one of my swords and blunted the tip of it.

So, verdict for today: ugh.


Aug. 20th, 2017 07:51 pm
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Apparently, it was a day of deja vu when I sliced off a bit of my left finger while pruning my butterfly pea plant. Shock, followed by pain and a bit of half-laughing, half-crying, and off I went to my general practitioner who dressed it, said it was a clean wound ("shaving accident") and gave me a booster jab.

Why I said deja vu was that I did something similar to the same finger a long time ago while I was still studying in Australia. :D

No painkillers, just the ache of my bruised ego
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I am mulling over this thought while I am doing editorial work on this Monday morning. First thing first: A big warm hug of gratitude to my supporters, readers and signal boosters! Without your likes and your support, I won’t be able to continue writing and producing things.

But that being said, this is the hard part. Can I reach $100? I know times are hard and I totally understand that. It’s always my dream to write full-time and 2017 is proving to be the year where I am actually *writing* a lot. Which is good – and this also gives me time to work on my health issues (invisible illnesses are no fun) as well. I left full-time teaching for good last year and deciding to embark on full-time writing was/is a big decision. I tried it a while back and it failed spectacularly. I ended back going back to work.

I am trying this again. I know that I am no big name author with a big fanbase. I do know that my Patreon payout does help in my medical fees. I do know that my Patreon payout helps in my savings. So, if you can, signal boost, spread the word out.

Thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart.

My Patreon


Jun. 29th, 2017 09:02 am
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I am back from Cambodia. Flew back exactly a week ago. Siem Reap was hot, dry, but an eye-opening experience. Plus, the fried crickets were delicious, yum. Coming back was a culture shock - so much privilege, people taking things for granted.

Then, it's back to normal programming again. I need to plan... things, especially for two books. I ended up starting a new scarf, because this is how I plan: I knit. It's a meditative process where my mind lays out stuff while the needles move.

So, that's about it, small updates. :D
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For people who are concerned about my previous posts about health:

The CT scan showed that it was just a fluid-filled cyst and my specialist didn't seem fussed about it, only slated another blood test (she's well-known for it amongst the nurses!) when I see her again in July. The blood test is to evaluate my liver functions. So basically ever since I came back from Perth, Australia, I had been exercising and watching what I eat. Gruelling and sometimes downright miserable-making for me - but it's paying off.

Just as well that my body past 40 seems to be rejecting/hating/disliking things gluten and dairy... which was a doozy for me because I love yoghurt and bread. But it seems that my colon doesn't appreciate a lot of it and even a tiny smidgeon triggers it to grumbling.

But hey, I feel fine at age 42.

So, that's the long and short about my health. Just give me lots of nice salads when you see me next time. :D


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