In Between Worlds

Here is Cub enjoying herself at the BBQ party: here.

We had fun. Eight screaming little girls - and I am still alive! Birthday presents, cake and balloons, beach runs, shell-picking.

Then chilli crab dinner with the extended family.

Mmm, I should spend some time with my Nano project and oddly enough, I am not fussy about it this year.

Thoughts: Lives matter. People matter. Social media and real life - do they intersect? And if so, why do people still feel lonely, lost? I believe this question isn't easy and not to be answered in a hour or a day.

Rainy weather always does that to me.

I did the handover today, returning the stuff back to the school. I felt a weight off my shoulders and a certain sadness, because I did develop some degree of rapport with the kids.

My dad thought that the school had short-changed me and breached the contract.

But he's right: Nobody should treat me like garbage. I have rights too.

Maybe the word 'garbage' is too strong here. I am not expendable. I am not something to be discarded once I have reached the end of my usefulness. Too many times I have witnessed schools treating their staff like that... which is not right at all.

Granted that the main concern is for the students (or the school's overall performance), but teachers have rights too. Overworked, stressed and trying to balance the hideous workload with family life - teachers do not have easy lives. A lot of people say that the pay is good, but at the expense of mental and physical health?

Enough of my ranting. :P

I am keeping myself busy, throwing out resumes and looking after Cub and Dot. Writing my urban fantasy story, enjoying it. Living my life day by day. I am going to see an ENT specialist soon regarding my vertigo problem. I am going to get that thing fixed.

Many thanks to the words of encouragement from all of you!

Down again.

What gives?

Argh!

On happy-making news, Lammas is around the corner. Dot's birthday happens to fall on the same day.

On writery news, book two is gathering speed and the characters are growing too. Taking unexpected turns the story is. Though I am too tired to write more. :(

If you know people who like urban fantasy set in a different land besides American or United Kingdom, please tell them about my new book coming out next year. Little things help.

Dot has a runny nose. Green mucus. I am staying home today to look after her.

I am stuck with the dilemma of work and home.

Well, I ended up drafting a class test. :P

Struck by vertigo again. I don't like this. It affects everything I do (or try to).

Prepared my lesson plan, having reported in on Monday. They are still working out the sitting arrangement and the time tables are not ready. So, yes, I am again groping in the dark. The joys of teaching.

Writing as usual - though I wonder if I could write when school formally starts. My book two is turning out well, with strange corners and bends. I can't wait for Book One to be released, though I am half-scared how it would turn out (or if I actually get readers). There is paperwork to be done still.

And for the isopod fans, I actually found the dreaded tongue-eating parasite sea louse. In a snapper prepared for dinner. At first, I thought the large white lump was fish roe. So I poked it and it ... came off. I fished it out, only to see a thumb-sized white and segmented bug-like creature. It freaked my daughter out. Needless to say, it was removed asap.

Now to continue writing before work consumes me. Hey wait, writing is work.

Hit by the flu truck. Awfully quick onset: body aches, chills and sore back. Fever arrived pretty much at the same time. One thing about me: when I fall sick, I fall really sick.

Will have to put the pre-edits on hold.

I confess. I cried like crazy yesterday. The news that I didn't get the job hit me pretty hard. Now, I am still weepy. Restless, resentful, a riot.

What's about Singapore and having to get a job? Is the all mighty dollar the Mammon of the new age now? My parents ragging at me to get a job isn't helping my mood.

So, out went a few resumes.

I read something by Guy Hasson about foreign authors versus American/UK authors on the World SF blog. We 'foreign' authors do not have the cushy time to write. Most of us juggle other things besides writing. We wish we have the luxury to write. But hey, I am in Singapore. Writing is considered 'frivolous', a past-time.

There is a voice in my head that tells me I can't. It is a persistent voice, alternately whisper-soft and bitchy-loud. I can't write. I can't do this. I can't do that.

I need to get out of this rut asap, because like it or not, I can do this.

I am my own harshest critic.

There is only up.

***

I wrote today. Mon dieu! It is a good feeling, having the idea down on paper (well, screen - but you get the idea). A short story, set in the urban fantasy universe I have been building.

At the meantime, I have been reading about the White Rajahs. Admittedly, the book is quite old: 1960. The views are outdated. I have been cutting through the grain, sieving the facts from the chaff. Imagine the 19th century right up to the 1940s - a lot of daring-dos and adventure. The steampunk part of me goes "Woot" at the mention of iron-clad ships. The history part of me goes "Remember, those were difficult times, even for the British Empire!" There was imperialism, there was arrogant snobbery, and there was racism. Yet, at the end, I kept thinking: "Those were difficult times!" [EDIT: 'Difficult times' does not excuse the fact that there was rampant racism or the fact that colonialism did take place]

Are we beyond those times now? Are we still - metaphorically - stuck in it? Rhetorical questions there, of course.

Since it is Qing Ming now, a story.

Rainy, feeling tired/drained/a bundle of nerves. A lot of ranty thoughts in my mind, but as much as I want to give voice to them, I just couldn't, for fear of coming across as whiny. :(

Visited Fusionopolis. Nice restaurants there. And the second shop is still in the middle of renovations.

Feeling drained. Palm Sunday. White flag for me: I am staying in.